Ms R is slightly alarmed to hear that apparently the blow job has assumed the status, once only bestowed upon the US dollar: it is a currency both easily exchanged and expected everywhere. In particular it is an essential component of today's teenage parties, demanded and delivered in a fashion that gives a whole new meaning to casual sex.
"Hey Oromelia.
"Ya?"
"Nice tits."
"Thanks Piers. Daddy says so too Now fuck orf."
"Want to suck my dick?"
"Oh ya ok."
Yes my dear over educated, privileged readers: it's your daughters that are doing it too. The long-term and devoted will know that Ms R believes the BJ is easily on a par with knitting a man a jumper or even a scarf. In other words it's like gold (on current price levels at least.)
Ms R has, on numerous occasions (mistake, there were only about two) turned her dark glare on men who have assumed that a BJ is part of the evening. This, when he has not even conclusively proved he is a world class kisser. In other words if you can't work with your mouth, I can't work with mine. Even then it should not be assumed a BJ is in the offing. Correct etiquette is to give the lady at least two examples of what you can do for her without asking what she can do for you. She may then feel close enough to give you something nice. You may suggest, but never, ever ask. And if you don't feel close enough to accept a knitted woollen item from the lady then maybe this shouldn't be happening at all? Just saying.
Need Ms R add, that any attempt to take a chiropractic stance and manipulate the head towards your lower parts while muttering "Down bitch" should not even be considered. Not even if you are paying for it. This is the behaviour that divides men into those who will get to BJ heaven and those who won't.
The blow job you want is the one you get without asking; where a woman is absolutely loving what she is doing because she likes you, a lot. These are the ones we want to give because they make us feel intimate and sexy, and they make you feel even better. And believe Ms R when she says that when we like it, we'll give very freely and you'll never ever have to ask.
That as they say, is blow job gold.
Thursday, 5 November 2009
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25 comments:
Right now I could really use a new jumper, but admittedly I don't deserve one.
I can't knit and if I could, I'd learn to knit myself multiple orgasms before even considering having a stab at a blow job.
Eolai: First time I've ever heard a bloke say he doesn't deserve a jumper.
Hypotenuse: And 'knitting'would take on a whole new meaning. Truly I don't go down unless I think"yeah I could knit this guy a scarf one day. I like him that much."
I'll take the nice Arran sweater please. A BJ I can get anywhere
@Geeklawyer: ah but do they knit and purl while they are administering said BJ? or just knit?
You have very high standards Ms R. If only the rest of the world set standards too. The knitting thing, who would have guessed that one?
@We're doomed.: Just saying that a girl needs to be thoughtful about what she puts in her mouth.
How can woman make such fuss about something that little goat can do?
@metody: How nice to see you again. But I was not aware little goat can knit.
Forgive me for being dim but just so I may fully visualise it, what exactly is a chiropractic stance?
Well as far as I'm concerned my chiropractor is the only one allowed to manipulate my head:)
Little goat can not knit, but then Metody can knock goat on head and eat it for Christmas.
But for serious. Metody does not understand this interest in sucking of the penises? Let me tell you Metody has chewed on many vaginas but expects no handshake, but then men is like monkey for sexy, no?
To be quite honest at home in Hradek people is not so rich, even though work is wery hard. Until Metody come to Britain he find it quite a luxury to often have bath. In such cases sucking genitals of man and wife not such cause for celebrating; in fact often cause gripe in bowels.
And Metody can make goat into jumper after.All good.
Truly Metody if we think too much about sex it is rather a silly business and should not incite emotions which it does. Life in Hradek sounds idyllic.
I'd love a hand-knitted scarf.
The blowjob has been devalued in recent years with so many of the internet tarts claiming to be experts. Plus, it seems to have become the polite way of avoiding a fuck.
I agree there Happy. It's all about the people and the moment. I would say to your second point that if a bloke wants blow jobs but doesn't want to do so much for a woman, then he doesn't fancy her
Most of the girls I have been with love giving a blowjob, perhaps you are being a little bit uptight about it. I wouldn't be disappointed if a girlfriend chose not to do it, but it would be a little surprising. After all its not exactly easy for a girl to pull off the sex kitten thing while turning up her nose at the prize. I suppose for some people its a big deal, (Keith Richards used to say the best blow job he ever had was the last one), but when you start considering the trade vale of a blow job and even sex as a whole aren't you really playing the whore a little too much.
Toni, I think that's simplistic. There are things I have done with some men I don't do with others. With some men it seems right to role play for example. We are not overt on this blog since the audience has usually been there done it but if I need to spell it out to you: I wouldn't give away my BJ skills on a guy I picked up at a party because I felt like some relief..it's all context. Sex for me is about pure abandonement and intensity and I can only do that when I like someone. A true blow job is the most erotica act but most of the time however you kid yourself it's just sucking dick.
Pearl one, knit one, suck one?
@james C: And then down, deeper and down
My dear MsR, did you think I was suggesting that gentlemen prefer a bj to a fuck?
Far from it I'd suggest. Unless of course the lips belong to a true craftswoman, one capable of knitting not just a square of granny-love blanket, one capable of intricate aran design, one capable of reaching Kaffe Fasset levels of work.
@happy: Yes you but then we're back at that competitive stuff sex bloggers do. Anyway a true craftswoman is usually really into the project.
I guess I really am too jaded, blow jobs have lost their mystique to me. In fact if I am totally honest, I only have sex with the girlfriend to shut her up these days. Anyway great blog, I am enjoying reading your archives - got into your blog from reading the new adventures of juliette, another great blog written by an intelligent woman.
I've always found going down on a woman very relaxing, but I agree, not just with anybody. It has to be the right woman, or at least the wrong woman with the right vulva.
It took me until I was almost forty to get good at blowjobs (receiving, that is). Until then I never really mastered the right kind of passivity.
I'm fascinated by your anthropological observations. Is this a London phenomenon? A couple of years ago my neighbour's son told me his girlfriend had given him four blowjobs in one afternoon, but I'd assumed she was atypical.
Personally, I'd rather do down on a man, than kiss him. Kissing is far more intimate than blowjobs, in my opinion. But then, a boyfriend once told me that this was typical of NY Jewish girls, so perhaps it's cultural. Welcome back, Ms. R. On a separate note, isn't is funny how once you write about blowjobs, all the readers have something to say?
@Gordie: It took me until forty to get good at giving and I am pleased with myself:)
Suzanne: Yes but we know what pushes the buttons. You are very NY Jewish but in the best way.
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