More useless female journalism.

ROFJ. It stands for Repeatedly Offending Female Journalist. Today we're back here again with the highly self-obsessed Polly Vernon. She's back again and SHE DOESN'T WANT CHILDREN. AGAIN. They get in the way of her city breaks to New York which she takes at the drop of a hat. And watching HBO. Now you might think these are flimsy reasons for not having a chubby toddler but they matter to Polly, ok? But you don't listen and moreover you keep asking her about it and upsetting her.

"Women might think I'm in denial, but they let me get on with it now. Men, meanwhile, are astounded. Flummoxed. They become aggressive, sneering. They psychoanalyse me, they try to work out what's wrong with me. Who knows why? Perhaps they feel rejected. Perhaps the idea that there are women at large who are not actively pursuing their sperm is an out-and-out affront to a certain kind of man. The same men who have spent years believing that all women secretly want to trap them into commitment and fatherhood, probably."

And so she has sat down and written an article which is serious. We know it is serious because she. uses. full. stops. like this. But mostly she is inundated with men in drinking establishments wanting to discuss why she does not want children. Tiresome, you'll agree.

"For whatever reason, I've been pulled up on my wanton childless status, loudly and at length, by three different men, in three different pubs, over the course of the last fortnight alone."

Ms R is baffled. How does that kind of conversation come about, short of carrying a placard or walking into the pub with a megaphone? Truly. How does a conversation in a pub get round to that particular subject so frequently? Three different men in three different pubs in TWO WEEKS. Now that's funny because when Ms R has conversations in pubs it's usually to say, "Vodka and tonic please," "No I would not like to give you a blow job right now" or "My name is Bob. Yes. Bob ( a little tactic Ms R uses)."

Ms R can only imagine that Polly was being her sophisticated self and buying a glass of yellowish chardonnay when the barman innocently asked, "Would you like any children with that?" Ms R can understand how that might have thrown her and certainly if it happened in three different bars in two weeks then it might get a bit annoying. Very. Annoying.

Polly has been patient with us and spent a lot of time telling us how she feels. Too much time really.

"I talked about how difficult it is to be child-free, when popular culture fetishises parenthood in general and motherhood in particular. When the dramatic arc of all TV dramas, of all rom-coms, is dependent on someone becoming pregnant and finding true happiness as a consequence. Babies are the newest archetype on the happy ending, therefore not wanting them is tantamount to not wanting to be happy.

I talked about how weird it is to be disconnected from this baby-crazy culture. Like being sober while everyone else is drunk. I talked about how strange it is to not even care whether or not I'm infertile, when apparently it's all anyone else thinks about."

Ms R is not sure she and Polly are living on the same planet. What baby crazy culture? Fewer babies are being born so that may mean that when someone close to you has a baby it's a big event for them, most certainly. But baby crazy? With her talent for exaggeration, it is a good thing, Polly does not write about economics.

Polly wants to know why people (those mythical PEOPLE again) can't accept her position. Polly, honey, anyone who has made a personal choice and is happy with their choice has no need to get upset about it. Ms R can only surmise that you are not sure that what you are doing is ok and you need the approval of others to tell you that you are one hot career woman who can go on City breaks every day of the week and be lauded for that behaviour. Except that is just as boring as having children and talking about it.

So, other than the fact that Polly is just plain boring and humourless, here's the thing: Why does your personal choice have to be a campaign position? Ms R, for example, does not like soup. But she does not go to three pubs in two weeks and bring the subject up. Instead, she keeps quiet until one day a man walks up to her in a pub, tells her she's sexy and invites her out for soup. She declines the soup but says she'll go out for a steak. Simple. No need to go around setting up a straw man (straw child anyone?) and knocking it down, unless of course you have to justify your employment as a useless female journalist. (See how often the blogger taunts you...)

For just as Polly does not want babies shoved in her face, the fact is that though she may think we all care about it, we do not really care about the choices others make. Best to make them quietly.