Reply to reader in mild distress

Stop Blog: Here is where I'll be serializing novel. Credit crunch, sex, wealth, hubris and just a bit of a moral tale. Prologue up now!

Ms R doesn't normally reply to readers on blog, however, this question relates to one of WOE'S most read posts (and most searched for terms) so we are making an exception. The reader below actually left this comment on the post "Technology is not your friend" (see sidebar) where very early on in this blog's history Ms R looked at reasons as to why men don't call. Reader, whatever else happens, know that Ms R has known your pain.

"I dont know whats going on!!! we went out on two dates he said he likes me a lot and at the last date we got kinda intimate today he said he was gonna call to meet up but he didn't. I don't know what's happening is he into me or not? or is it too early to tell?"

First of all anon, who the fuck knows? It's easy for Ms R to write witty and clever pieces about why he might not call, however that won't stop you staring at your phone and your email hoping that they produce the result you want. Nothing Ms R says will prevent you ringing your girlfriends at midnight seeking reassurance and then ignoring them if they can't provide it. Let's see, it's been a few days since you wrote so by now his silence will have become a deafening roar, one that is all consuming. You've mentally gone over every detail of that last date, wondering what the trigger point was. And having done a forensic examination that would easily rival anything on CSI you are still baffled. Then there are the famous parting words: "I'll call you and we'll meet up." I bet you've rearranged those hundreds of times. Did he mean straight away? Next week? Next year? Did he forget to tell you he was leaving town on vacation? Or forever. Yes, maybe that just slipped his mind. Or did he just tell you that to make you feel better because he had no intention of following up?

Has his mother died? Is he really married? Does he have a dark secret? You've gone through it all and you're no closer to figuring it out. Then one of your girlfriends says the very thing you didn't want to think about. "You got kindda intimate on the second date. Maybe you shouldn't have?" So now you're back to dissecting that fateful evening when you were both feeling good and you did what adults who are enjoying each other's company frequently do. Except now you're thinking that maybe he's thinking you were easy. Maybe that's all he wanted? Maybe, mabye, maybe..

The truth is dear anon reader and others like you, human beings change their minds. Today Ms R chopped up the ingredients to make soup and got very excited about it. Then she got bored and ate pasta. Because she changed her mind. It just felt right. She feels a bit guilty about not making the soup but she's not too worried. It's not like she made the soup and then tipped it all out. That would have been pretty bad.

You see where I'm going? A couple of dates is really too early to be worrying about this. At this stage it's not about you. Or him. Because you don't really know each other. Of course as women we're a bit screwed since kissing and a bit of skin to skin action is likely to result in some sort of attachment (or what we think is one). Men take a bit longer. He hasn't done anything wrong. But most importantly neither have you. If he calls, remember you still haven't made the soup. And if he doesn't, the same applies. If this were several dates down the line, I think he might owe you an explanation but right now, he probably doesn't even know himself.