Ms R began her Arts degree studying psychology but soon swapped it for politics. If she had continued she might well have ended up like the psychologists at Edinburgh's Heriot-Watt University: wearing white lab coats and watching romantic comedies for real money. Instead she is sitting here writing this for you, for free. (Note to self: must do something about that.)
The psychologists emerged stuffed with popcorn to conclude that romantic comedies give people unrealistic expectations about relationships. Don't know about you but I kind of saw that coming. Here at Ms R Towers tastes tend towards the French, the obtuse and the arthouse. Ms R regards romance as something that is tense, exhilarating, passionate, frustrating,immobilising, delicious and insane. Comedy is expected to be funny. Romantic comedies do not work because in a desperate bid to be funny they take the tension out of romance and replace it with indecision. All of the execrable 'romcoms' written by Richard Curtis rest largely on indecision where the protagonists can't decide if they are friends or lovers. They don't know if they hate each other or love each other. They are usually emotionally shallow and sexually immature: an accidental sighting of girl with towel wrapped around her is too much for the man. The men have no idea how to undress a woman and the women are perpetual virgins who blush at the mention of sex and are uncomfortable with their bodies.
Romance in the modern era usually involves sex except you wouldn't know it from watching a romcom. These people are too busy not making decisions to have sex: in fact they appear to lack sex organs. Still it's a good thing. Can you imagine the indecisive, shambolic Hugh Grant character asking for a blow job?
"Umm I was wondering if perhaps you had thought about..?"
"Thought about what?"
"Well err, umm you know..if perhaps you well liked to .."
"What are you trying to say?"
"I'm sorry, I really don't know..this might be awfully rude of me but I'm sure it would be really nice .and for you too I mean"
"What ARE you talking about?"
"Thingy, my err thing and your mouth."
"You want a blow job?"
"Err gosh, I mean oh dear, I mean yes, yes I think yes. Sorry."
If the character in the romantic comedy were true to form it would take the bloke three months to ask the girl out. She meanwhile would refuse because she thinks they should just be friends. And she feels fat. Another month. She agrees. They arrange to go out but he takes the wrong bus and doesn't get there. Two more weeks. He sends her flowers. Another two weeks while she decides if he's a bastard or not. They go out again. He can't decide whether to kiss her but finally does. He changes his mind. A month. A friend intervenes by organising a convenient dinner party. Three more weeks. They realise they like each other but then he has to get up the courage to have sex...
This is why romantic comedies aren't realistic: you can't fit that into 90 minutes.
Wednesday, 17 December 2008
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22 comments:
'Can you imagine the indecisive, shambolic Hugh Grant character asking for a blow job?'
Sadly, after the whole Divine Brown incident, it is all too easy, although very unpleasant, to do just that. Put me right off my lemsip, that has...
The problem with these romcoms is that the dithering, emotionally and sexually repressed posh boys always get their act together in the end - something I'm yet to witness in real life!
It would be so much easier if women just gave blow jobs when asked, without questioning it wouldn't it?
Fuck. I hope "Love Actually" is not going to become a regular Xmas movie.
Actually there are a few decent romantic comedies, "Always" and "Truly Madly Deeply" for starters. But let the men in white coats go mad on a diet of Richard Curtis.
Melissaria: he probably didn't ask for it: he drove up and she looked in the window and said "Honey would you like some lipstick on your dipstick?"
TC: Much easier.
Old and Past it: Oh god,that one is even worse. Curtis once said he'd never had any trauma or real pain in his life and perhaps it shows.
I would say that romcom is just another form of comedy that does have it's moments. The romance part of it is just the bit that they take the piss out of. Same as Whoops Apocalypse taking the piss out of the military or Scary Movie taking the piss out of teenagers.
Famulus: But not very good at it. Sooo predictable. As you can gather I don't like predictable.
Indeed they could do a lot better. How about we try and put a script together? Something showing a date in progress and all the shit that is really going through the minds of everyone involved? Men checking out any cleavage that walks past, women worrying about how much base she applied and the rest of the public having their own crises...
When I read that dialogue I keep seeing Charles and Camilla.
Ghinch
"he drove up and she looked in the window and said "Honey would you like some lipstick on your dipstick?"
The Divine Brown is female?
Famulus: What is a date then?
Ghinch: No she'd be dirty
Conan: Well yeah, even if she's playing at it
I never thought Hugh-um was hetero... actually.
Conan: I'm with you there, however I think he's like a lot of Englishmen: unsure. He just seems to lack masculinity and as you know I like a man with strong decision making abilities..men who have no idea what they're doing are not sexy.
Having got up close to the guy many years ago, Hugh is not very tall and has the leathery skin of a man that has spent too long in the sun and wears too much foundation. He's not sexy at all. One interesting fact for you though. Apparently his first job was as a copywriter for my friend's agency. Apparently he was a much better copywriter than actor. It's too bad he didn't stick to that job and spare us having to watch him play the same part over and over again.
P.S. Whilst a copywriter, he liked to shag swedish au pairs that he used to pick up at Ye Old Swiss Cottage on the Finchley Road. He's not gay.
A Date? You know, those akward evenings when a man and a woman (or a variation thereof) go to a public place and feel vey uncomfortable. Sometimes they try to impress each other which usually fails miserably.
Just occassionally they have a wonderful time and spoil it a few years later by getting married...
That sort of date.
Actually, having given it more thought, it is a totalyl crap idea and I'd certainly never want to see a film about it... :-(
To Susan Portnoy.
Copywriters never shagged anything. They all had their heads up their backsides. Art Directors did all the shagging.
Merry Xmas from an old AD.
ww.ghinch.com
Suzanne: As I suspected..can't imagine him pushing you up against the wall and fucking your brains out can you?
Famulus: And sex? Do they have sex? Personally I have decided not to have sex on the first date. I do it before the date..much easier that way.
Ghinch: Sir you slander me. I'll have you know I spent more time on the sofa in my office than I did writing ads.
Listen, don't shoot me. I'm only the messenger. The ex-creative director told me.
Ah, yes, but you see, you're a girl and there's no such thing as a girl copywriter. Copywriter's assistant maybe, I think I experienced one or two of those. Oh to be back in Charlotte Street in the 60's.
Ghinch
I was an award winning copywriter, now fuck off Ghinch:)
I am liking the eighties myself...
Doesn't anyone remember that one of the couples in the much scorned Love Actually were porn stars? Richard C did a pretty good job writing those scenes. Watching their romance develop in reverse was, dare I say it, good viewing. Then there was the male non-gay affection between the singer (forgotten his name) and his manager; Alan Rickman playing the Adman shagging his secretary and regretting it, the brother sisterly love of ....SORRY lOVE ACTUALLY is a bloody good film, go watch it again. Jules Ritter
@Jules: Yes but it's still sex in that "ooh we're naughty" English way. It's so mannered...I guess I find him too contrived..and yes, dull.
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