Ms R is reflecting

STOP BLOG: Ms R is also spreading her wisdom here but since she is on a Mac can't get the link stuff working:
http://life.hereisthecity.com/the_soul_clinic/at_work/657.cntns


"You must've had a night where you did two grams of nasty blow in New York City and a fifth of Jack Daniels and been with not the greatest chick you ever slept with and you got two hours sleep and you wake up and it's the morning rush and you're hearing honk, honk, honk outside your window and it's gray and it's cold and you just want to die. At that moment, yeah, I'd regretted what I'd done the night before. But big picture regrets? Nah" Iggy Pop


As bloggers scatter like stray buckshot to various corners of the globe, Ms R is in Switzerland staying with her good friend. And here, on a deck with panoramic views of the lake, reflection is the order of the day in more ways than one. The extrovert is also an extreme introvert.

Ms R has generally tried to take a position on events in life that what is done is done. And we must move on. This often worked because she replaced one regrettable event with another, the thinking being that "I just have to forget I ever did that so I'll give myself something even worse to obliterate that particular memory." This was an excellent strategy in her twenties since she had no idea she was doing it. In her thirties she knew she was kidding herself but figured she had time to burn. But, like skinny jeans and tiny crop tops it is not a good look in your forties. Ok, so right now Ms R mildly regrets getting tipsy and talking bollocks on a podcast with Charon QC (which she has no idea how to link to as she can't see the links.) but she said nothing she wanted to keep private so it's ok. And it gave the little people something to do.

Self-analysis is something Ms R does naturally. When she is depressed it helps her step back and see that what is happening in temporary and so she can accept it rationally while swimming about in a dark cloud. And when she is feeling good, like now, it enables her to see how far she has come and that's important. Ms R rather likes an old Chinese Proverb: Do not fear going forward slowly, only fear standing still. Six months ago Ms R was rather annoyed at herself. She went home to Australia and spent a week muttering that she was angry with herself and telling her mother that she was the biggest underachiever in the world which, of course, her mother wanted to hear. Her mother commented that she had never, ever heard Ms R talk about herself in those terms. Ms R came back to the UK still muttering. After a few months she muttered less. Six months on she's wondering who the hell that girl was because she likes this one better. And suddenly lots of things that were said at the time made sense. Even things that were said to her twenty years ago now make more sense.

The thing about these moments is that they can be turning points. Not in a lightning bolt Eureka kind of way but in a much more organic fashion. It's like starting off with a whole lot of cowshit, leaving it in the sun and then one day you have bricks to build a house with. Unexpected analogy? Sure but that's how it works. Anyway, unusually for Ms R, it doesn't feel transient:it's actually a real shift. But it's been a long time in coming. Still, good things come to those who wait, but not too much.