"I started having breathless bouts of terror that left me feeling drained and hopeless." You read this and think it refers to a mugging or rape victim but no this is one Emily Gould, ex 'star blogger' and darling of NY. You see she'd only just realised that she'd made her life public on the net. And it was there in perpetuity. Less self-absorbed souls will know that what happens on the net stays on the net, however, Emily's callow youth combined with her toxic narcissism meant she'd neatly overlooked that fact when she decided to sell her soul online.
At only 26 years of age it got like so really, wow, bad that Emily wanted to crawl back into the womb and 'erase the internet'. Her split from her boyfriend and 'a disastrous appearance on national television' were all down to her blogging. Given that this sort of thing happens everyday to non-bloggers, Ms R was finding Emily a tad odious already. The truth is of course that after all the recognition, messages of support and faux-stardom, she wanted out. Because now it was getting personal. Her ex hated her. And it really, like, HURT.
Emily had found herself in the online Hotel California: "You can check out anytime you like but you can never leave" and there was no turning back. The panic attacks became more frequent and the poor thing 'lost the will to blog' - a phrase for our self-obsessed times if ever there was one. Unfortunately she hadn't lost the will to write: somewhow this deeply damaged young woman, living on a knife edge, managed to come up with 8,000 words for the New York Times for which we can only admire her courage and fortitude. And thanks for being so brave to lie on the bed and pose for the pic Em, we appreciate it.
Ms R, predictably, has no sympathy: she is no geek but she is clued up enough to know that the internet is not unlike a cockroach in that it will somehow survive a nuclear war. Ms R would say she is 85% careful, especially when she writes under her own name. The other thing to remember is that Ms R writes for what can quaintly be called a living and therefore has more licence than say a lawyer or banker who is blogging. The fact that she has revealed her depression online is no big deal today (twenty years ago you couldn't talk about it even to friends). For a writer it is almost mandatory. Of course there are limits: while Ms R will hint at sex she will not describe anything in detail, because she values it as a private activity. Most importantly she has no interest in publicly berating ex lovers or friends. That is a matter of personal integrity but it would also not reflect well on her judgement as a writer.
If there is a moral, and Ms R hesitates here, then it's a very old one about taking responsibility for your actions. You can't blame the technology. And you can't blame the public for turning on you when they do. The more narcissistic you are and the more revealing you are regarding your personal life, the greater the chance that at some point you will have a meltdown, either due to exogenous factors or simply the realisation that you've given it all away. And when that happens, don't blame the public and the media's curiousity: you outed yourself long before they did.
Monday, 26 May 2008
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30 comments:
Hmm, I'm having to de-lurk my blog at the moment.
It's a bit like de-lousing. There are plenty of ticks, nits and crabs on the interweb and although we don't invite their especial attentions they seem to latch on nonetheless.
Conan: I have allowed anon comments up till now but am not sure how much longer I will allow people who cannot even make up a name. I think Devil over at DK was de lousing last week too. I wish I could de louse my emails but no matter how much security I have it doesn't work.
So glad you picked up on this piece that I read online a week ago. It makes me laugh that a young girl should find it astonishing that, having laid her entire life out on the web, not everyone liked her. As bloggers, you have to take the good with the bad. If you want everyone to like you, then generally it's best to shut up. Otherwise, you better have a tough skin. We've all had our opponents but not all of us have gone from blogging to being an editor of one of the world's biggest celebrity website at the ripe old age of 24! I do hate it when young girls whine about being handed jobs that a lot of far more talented writers would die far. As the cliche goes, 'Honey, if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen!'
If a person is going to post details of their private life and their name on a blog then they're just asking for a large dose of shit storm. Ms Gould should have realized this but she let her ego get in the way of common sense. I don't blog, as you know, Ms R, and don't intend to any time soon and I only post on 5 blogs though I may read many more. And of course one runs into the fuckwit occasionally who just loves to take their childish inadequacies out on women bloggers especially. The Beau not only looks disdainfully on such roaches but spits in their eyes and metaphorically kicks said assholes in the balls verbally. A prick is a prick is a prick after all.
Hotel California is one of my favorite songs from when Beau lived a delightful life in San Francisco during the late 60's and early 70's and bonged copious amounts of righteous weed and boinked copious amounts of lovelies--those were the days my friends, B.A.: Before AIDS. Lovely times those. Now I still indulge in the weed and the odd lovely who loves a bit. lol Still is a great song--on my yes.
Your devoted servant, Ms. R
Beau
lost the will to blog
Oh now that's funny. Funnier still how they never lose the will to bleat.
As soon as you post up that first blog entry, you put yourself out there. It seems to me that as soon as you freak out and start shouting about invasions for privacy, having your life destroyed and all that jazz all you do it fuel interest in your writing.
Nice strategy. I'm off to try it. I'd quite like some more attention*
*Waves to all the bloggers out there doing quite well out of being "outed".
Suzanne: The blog - Gawker - that made her famous is symptomatic of the 'get notorious quick' generation. At the same time many younger folk haven't quite twigged that people don't necessarily have to like you to read you. And if you start exposing yourself too much, they will seize on it, rather like we seize on the vulnerable animal in the pack. I know you read the NYT article but I can't imagine what she had to say.
Beau: I love that whole Hotel California phase as well. Everyone was so talented then and the drugs were top class:)
Angela La La: I knew you'd love that bit - it's a gift really. But she managed to keep going...
Misssy M: I'm aware I owe you and Angela a prize. Can you think of something symbolic perhaps?
Meanwhile, yes it's a fine strategy: Spill your guts and then say you didn't realise you couldn't rub it out with an eraser. Hello Zoe!
LOL
Oh dear! How very tragic! You would assume that someone actively writing a blog and receiving numerous comments would be concious of the fact that her life was vaguely public! I agree with you Ms R- it must have been very traumatic for her to write an article for the NY times... xxx
bsq(c): I think the problem may have been it was good while everyone was being nice to her..but then they were like, terrible, you know?
Be careful what you wish for...you reap what you sow...and other pearls of wisdom spring to mind.
Still, can't help feeling a little sorry for her. In that article, it sounds like people are taking a chance to kick her while she's down, probably anonymously.
King Of Scurf: Oh come on, this is no cause for sympathy. This is a woman who manages to say in 8000 words what it should take four to say: "I said too much".
Actually Ms R. she just should have said WTF did I do :-)
Beau
I must admit I felt no sympathy for Emilie's whiny pseudo journalism. I am still wondering why the article was even published. Only in America eh.
If only I had the money I would set up a blogger rehab clinic in California pronto. This is an absoulte goldmine waiting to be mined. So many disturbed ex-bloggers who need my professional and expensive counselling service. Yes, of course I care that their lives have been ruined. Any investors please email me privately.
This of course relates to the Cherie Blair tell all autobiography. Why does anyone, a bloger or a public figure need to share any intimate details of their life in print. It's all about narcissism.
Oh, and Emmak, may I suggest Malibu the Shangrila of rehab facilities.
From the article she's happy to admit spilling details about other people online and offline (the school days in particular) but when it all goes wrong she wants to stop the ride and get off.
Privacy is always going to be eroded when you blog; it's up to the blogger to decide by how much. If you make yourself identifiable then you really have nothing to complain about. Being outed is a different matter but it seems she pretty much outed herself and so the long whine doesn't look good.
Of course it's unfortunate that it backfired on her, but looking at the Larry King clip (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-avakrRUaU) she says that people shouldn't expect privacy, and yet now that's just what she's complaining about. Methinks the lady doth protest too much.
Ms R; I've thought about my prize and if you are up for it, I would like my prize to be a guest post from you on the Misssives.
Email me if you are up for it:
gillianamartin@hotmail.com
Funny, I just watched a 60 Minutes episode last night that touched on this very thing: young, twenty somethings just entering the work force who want it all NOW, but who don't want to pay their dues, or, God forbid, be judged along the way for their work. "Get notorious quick generation" sums it up.
So does "Generation Whine."
I'd have at least a smidgeon of respect for this generation if they were crashing and bashing about with some real ego and ability. But no. They mince about like a bunch of wounded birds, blistered and parchment-skinned from touching everything they see. But instead of growing some guts because of it, they retreat into ennui.
Oh, and one more thing. Think these kids could learn how the fuck to dress properly? The fact that she lands an 8,000 word piece in the NYC Times and then allows herself to be photographed amid messy sheets in a grubby black tee looking for all the world like Little Girl Lost says it all.
As part of the twenty-something generation I must say I object to your generalisation, Moi. We aren't all thin-skinned idiots skulking around wearing unwashed capes fashioned entirely from our own sense of misguided self-entitlement.
She is a fool not because she is young. She is a fool because she can't see beyond her own idea of herself as a martyr, as someone who doesn't deserve the backlash even though she brought it upon herself. Perhaps the medium is different now, but I am sure that even in the times before blogging there were just as many angst-ridden, overly self-involved people traipsing around trying to get people to read their poetry.
As part of the 40-something generation, I think I'd agree with Léonie. As for angst-ridden self-involved people of my generation, some made a fortune like Morrisey, the rest are working in the middle office in the city worried about their jobs.
I was thinking about putting some uni photos on the web, when it dawned on me (duh!) that I'd be doing the same as all those people regretting things now. The difference between the generations is we didn't have the Facebook gun to shoot ourselves with.
Idiots like Emily Gould always exist - and in the infinite desire for editorial content, they always will.
Paul
Ariel: Well stay tuned..what happens in America usually comes over the pond. Expect disillusioned blogger to tell all: any takers anyone?
EmmaK:Absolutely brilliant piece of thinking and I am not joking. Surely there's a venture cap in the States who would put in a couple of mill.
Silicon Limey: I would argue that the net is not that private anyway and it's naive to expect that you won't be outed if someone wants to: especially if that someone is a publisher trying to recoup their investment in your book...but that's another story.
Yes, she loved the bright lights but when it all got difficult she found it too hard. Unfortunately she was not lost for words.
Moi and Leonie: I can actually see both sides here. Leonie, I think Moi was generalising but in truth the public face of Gen Y from the workplace to the streets is an unfortuante one of nihilism and 'world owes me a living'. Yet at the same time I know loads of people under 25 who are smart, sassy, confident and have values that I wish people in their forties had. In fact I wish they were twenty years older so I could date them!
You are right Leonie about angst ridden people - my ex always makes amusing comments about 60 year olds he saw in Goa back in the late eighties who'd 'dropped out' because they couldn't understand the world. And yes the poetry analogy is good. I think your point about her martyrdom is the most valid for me as it goes across all ages:the Times in London is full of first person journalist martyrs aged about 35 who simply can't get everything they want in life..it affects all ages.
Jo Divine: Lovely comment.I think you'd concur with my comments to Moi and Leonie above. We live in a world that is simply too 'me' obsessed. I mean what the fuck is all this first person journalism about for a start? We don't buy newspapers for that, do we?
You're right. There's an implicit invitation in all of this verbal tripe, whether it's in blogs or the supplements. The invitation is to "Identify with meeeeeeee..."
But there's only so much wheedling pleading a reader can take. Eventually we sick it all back up on the writer who then whines "Why don't they like meeeeeeeee..."
If they 'got a life' that would be a start.
I wrote an article for the Banstead Guardian when my life fell apart through, like, blogging. No one picked up on it though. Which made it worse.
Read my poems?
Conan:Well there's been a huge migration from observation to self-reflection in journalism. And I guess that's the trend. I also think that many people who otherwise would not write are writing and doing it for reasons of narcissism and when they discover that if you put your words out there you get criticised, they plead mitigating circumstances.
Milky: Be still my beating heart...!!! Where are these poems. Email me..your Auntie Robinson
You know, as much as I think Emily Gould is ridiculous for acting as surprised as Paris Hilton was when she was pulled over for DYI and then arrested, I must admit I've become somewhat intrigued by her whole deal. As large as the internet is, it's that small. huh?
BPE: I understand what you're saying. I have to say that I've only been blogging for a year but I'm surprised at how quickly word spreads and it can take you by surprise if you don't understand it or indeed accept that things can happen to you if you choose to go online. Blogging seems so innocent when you start...
Ms R; I've thought about my prize and if you are up for it, I would like my prize to be a guest post from you on the Misssives.
I'm sure I've blogged about how I find it extremely up-your-own-arse having guest bloggers post while you're on holiday but, as I'm not flying anywhere till late August, I think it's safe to say I agree with this prize suggestion.
Well, as long as Ms R doesn't guest the week that I'm abroad and force me to eat my principles :)
Hadn't heard of Emily Gould before I read your post and am now wishing that I hadn't heard of her. Honestly, apart from her providing some comic relief, I'm stunned that a twenty-something could fail to realise that the Internet has a truly unforgiving memory.
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