The Great Mistress Fire Sale

As the credit crunch starts to hit home we should spare a thought for the people who are really suffering. No not the homeowners who face reposession, nor those worried about their jobs nor indeed the average person in the street. These are all small beer compared to those whose livelihoods depend on the ability of bankers to properly call the toss of a coin: mistresses.

As Ms Robinson writes, yet more mistresses are being dumped outside stock exchanges all over the world. Friends report a fire sale on the steps of the ASX in Sydney with some good bargains to be had in relatively new stock. Here in London, they are to be found wandering in the vicinity of the Bank of England, dazed and confused wearing little more than scraps of La Perla and Jimmy Choos. Having been unceremoniously evicted from luxury flats in Chelsea, Knightsbridge and South Kensington many had left carrying what they could in their YSL Muse bags. Reports suggest that they are trying to organise themselves into a group and perhaps instigate a (high) class action for wrongful dismissal.

"You just don't think it will happen to you," said one. "My mother suffered the same thing when the market crashed in '87. She lost it all - the flat, the clothes, the trips, everything."

While the first time mistresses are still reeling and struggling to put words together in the face of the disaster (some being little more than eighteen years old) the more enterprising are seeking new avenues.

"Well like everyone else we have to downshift. While I'd obviously prefer a hedge funder, there's quite good opportunities right now with insolvency lawyers. If you're really desperate there's always accountants and those who work in compliance and regulation but frankly once you do that you'll never be taken seriously."

Ebay reports a huge rise in the number of mistresses putting themselves up for auction. "Obviously," said a spokesman for the auction site, "it means they'll have to dispatch themselves to other locations but many of them are willing to. The problem is that there is so much supply they're not getting the asking price nor anything near it. The demand curve has shifted to the left in a major way."

The worry everyone has of course is what will happen when the new crop of mistresses hits the market. "We're going to see a situation where the market is saturated which means that there will be some great opportunities to pick mistresses up cheaply," said one commentator." Indeed those bankers who haven't been quite so hard hit have been able to pick up two for the price of one. However if this situation continues I can forsee a scenario where the average IT manager will be able to afford one. If that happens I doubt if the bankers will want to touch them again."

Ms Robinson feels that a charity appeal is in the offing. Please give generously.