A night out with the strippers

And so it was that last night, Ms R found herself in a flat in Soho with three strippers, an ex stripper, and a bloke who was grating coke with a cheese grater. Ms R was being dressed in leopardskin...

But back to the beginning. Having heard that Ms R was not feeling so joyful, Ali the ex stripper decided she would take Ms R out. The outing was to be partly professional: with Ali's book nearing completion the two of them had been working on revisions and Ali had decided it might be good to include something about women only strip clubs.

"Was there such a thing?" asked Ms R

"Indeed, " said Ali. "My friend Tamara works at one and we're going to watch her." Ali warned Ms R that it would be full of lesbians. This was not an endearing concept to Ms R who, as readers know, redefines the meaning of the phrase 'man's woman'.

"It's ok, " said Ali, "if anyone hits on you, just say you're with me." This would be a privilege. Ali has the kind of body that Elle McPherson would be envious of, endless legs and lush wavy hair. She is, in short, utterly stunning.

Off to Soho and to a small club where Ms R was utterly mesmerised by Tamara's sheer sexiness and artistry on the pole. The moves were worth of Cirque Du Soleil and Tamara herself has a cute rather than overly dirty look: she is a true artiste. With an audience made up of the kind of dyke- looking lesbians that Ms R remembers from her uni days (weren't they all supposed to be glamorous now?) Ms R saw nothing to throw her off her chosen sexual orientation. At one point Ali mischeviously asked Ms R the old question, "If you had to to do someone in here, who would it be?"

Looking around the room, Ms R could honestly not find a suitable candidate but settled on a European looking girl who was slim and well groomed, while secretly wishing it was a man she was looking at.

With the shows over, Ms R found herself back at Marco's flat in Soho with Ali, Tamara and two other strippers. Marco appears to have made a lot of money but couldn't quite tell Ms R how he made it. While he proceeded to grate coke off a chunk the size of a monster Toblerone, the girls decided to teach Ms R how to pole dance. As coincidence would have it, Marco had a pole in his living room.

Tamara took charge and showed Ms R the essential steps and then they decided that if Ms R was going to do it she should look the part. Out came costumes and Ms R was dressed up in a flimsy leopardskin mini skirt with a barely there top. Then Amber (yes Amber) decided to put the six inch heel stripper shoes on Ms R and teach her how to walk. Having availed herself of some of the cheese grater's fallout, Ms R was completely up for it. At the risk of offending feminists out there, she will say it made her feel very sexy indeed. Extremely so.

Ali has taken photos of the occasion on her camera phone but they will not be appearing on this blog, so do not hold your breath.