People write about sex for all sorts of reasons. To enlighten us about their lifestyle, to get a book deal, to liberate feelings they may need to keep hidden from others, to get a book deal, to inform us about alternative lifestyles, to get a book deal, to make us think that they are getting laid like nobody has any right to, to get a book deal, to advance the cause of women and make a feminist statement (sorry couldn’t resist that somewhat artless reference) and get a book deal.
For the most part these people are writing about unpaid acts performed among consenting adults. With relatively few stylish and erudite exceptions, they would be advised to expand their hobbies. There are only so many permutations before it all gets boring.
As a quasi-insider in the world of publishing, Ms R has little respect for much of the current output and even less respect for how it is chosen. Editors will readily admit something is badly written (oh yes) but will tell Ms R it sells. Marketing wins over content everytime and, in a business with fragile margins, it's important to run with the prevalent pack. Currently the list of genres in favour includes misery (‘my daddy locked me in a cupboard’), TOT (triumph over tragedy) and sex. And so we come to something that is very much in vogue: the story of life as a prostitute. In this case we have the The Diary of Miss S: A real life story of a modern working girl.
You can just imagine some CarolineEmmaAnnabel in the acquisition meeting saying,
“I think we need something amusing and lighthearted about prostitution.”
Everyone agrees so ClaireImogenMiranda is dispatched to find something that fits the profile. Eventually it results in a blurb like this:
“Miss S is smart, sassy, sexually frustrated and broke. With the rent money due, she spots an ad for a student job with a difference - in the massage parlour at the bottom of her road (hey how convenient..) Suddenly she can earn money doing something she is good at and get all the sex she needs.”
The book is described as giving you a 'funny, witty insight' into why people work in this industry…the highs and the lows. Oh thank God for that then. Ms R doesn’t know about you but she’s so sick of hearing how prostitution is not a life choice; that it’s largely controlled by nasty, immoral men who treat women as objects to be repeatedly humiliated until they take an overdose, or are killed.
Who the fuck wants to know that when they can have the ‘lite’ version. In the same way that charity bracelets assuage the consciences of those who have not seen real poverty, nor ever will, this is prostitution packaged and made palatable for the middle classes. Ms R feels the time is not far when some crappy newspaper magazine, probably Observer Woman will provide us with a handy guide.
Prostitution: Hot or Not
Hot: Prostitution as a real life and career choice
Not: Miserable stories about single mothers who have to sell their bodies to feed their kids (Can’t they get work as a PA?)Hot: Clients who are thoughtful, sweet, kind and care about you
Not: Clients who treat you like a sex object (They are so missing the point)
Hot: Sassy, sexy girls called Caroline who went to Oxford
Not: Hollow-faced, frightened Eastern Europeans called Elena who come from
Not: A council estate in North London, with a screaming, hungry baby in the next room
Ms R is well aware there are girls who choose prostitution. But she has lived long enough and travelled far enough to know there are many who don't.This current vogue on the part of publishers and the media is part of a trend where everything can now be packaged and turned into entertainment; where what was formerly unspeakable is trivialized so that it becomes amusing dinner party fodder. It’s not funny and it’s not clever.
PS: As with Girl with a One Trick Book , Miss S can't write for shit.
32 comments:
Well said. It's the Pretty Woman crap, but even worse now since the selling point is the money. The traditional 'heart of gold' cliché has been supplanted by the surgically-enhanced cunt of gold. And as long as it's about the money, and 'choice', it's perfectly respectable, or so it seems.
Hurrah! I'm so sick of prostitution being painted as some marvellous high-class odyssey of five-star hotel suites and designer handbags. The pimping is only part of it; prostitutes who don't have pimps are in constant danger of being attacked by psychotic punters. Choice, my arse.
Good morning, I was away when your PS Delayed by tears and other posts were "live" so I wanted to use this post to comment on those too.
You're a beautiful woman Ms R, you did right to kick to the curb anyone not utterly adoring you and you alone... however hard it was...
And on prostitution, I can only say it looks like it's the new black eh?
Kisses XXX
It's funny how on the subject of prostitution so much of the focus is on the women. I'd like to read a reality-read book by a middle-class man on his prostitute-visiting encounters.
I'm not sure even the highly-paid escorts are very happy. I recall one of them admitting that her heart had been broken by a 35-year-old virgin who had paid her for pre-marital lessons. There was a man-whore in Melbourne who seems quite contented though...
And of course it's all about to seep onto the telly in the form of the Belle Du Jour drama with Billie Piper. Very soft focus it all looks too.
I wonder how many of the sad, thin, pale, junky hookers I used to pass on my way home from work will be rushing home to catch that one and relate wildly?
Answer: None
There's an interesting blog out there:
http://collegecallgirl.blogspot.com/
I think she's: Trying to get a book deal.
I also think: Ms R is dead on today.
And I suppose all the Johns are glossy, six-pack-abed versions of Richard Gere and Brad Pitt as well. Riiiiggght.
Hey Ms R! I take offense to your sentence: 'Four walls off the Holloway Road (so not the place to be)'
I used to live off the Holloway Road in Tufnell Park and it's actually a pretty non-descript boring area. Admittedly Holloway Road is a bit grim, but I can think of many worse bits of London. Like Peckham for example!
Ironically while I was living with my mum in a council flat in a very nice bit of St John's Wood we had a really messed up young prostitute who lived opposite us who used to run around outside in a baby doll nightdress screaming obscenities at her punters. That was a really sad situation where she went on the game to support her little boy. Then the boy was taken into care. Not sure that story would have made it into a book with pretty pink covers!
You mean writing a sexblog wont get me a book deal unless Im getting paid to have the sex in a rundown bedsit in Norf Lunnon? Fuckit, why am I wasting so much time doing it and writing about it then? Clearly I need to delay the resurrection of normal service and do some more current affairs pieces...
LMAO. Who am I kidding?
It will be interesting to see how Billie Piper copes with being all growed up tho...
Conan: 'surgically enhanced cunt of gold'is such a brilliant description. Damn I wish I had thought of that.
Katy:Not only the five star hotels but apparently they have great sex too.
Peach: Thank you sweet Peach.The 'new black' indeed. How long before we get an article saying, "Even your best friend has tried it!"
Dandelion: One of the reasons you are not reading books by men about sex is that publishers think that it won't sell well enough.
GB: I think the idea is that the money and luxe lifestyle makes everything ok.
Misssy M: I have my suspicions about Belle De Jour. Sometimes I wonder if it even is a woman writing or a male journalist. There is just something odd...Pah, don't rate that blog anyway. Yes, they may be sad and thin but remember, they chose apparently. There is a lot riding on that notion. BTW are you not elegiac and erudite enough to win Post of The Week yet?
AB: She'll be one of many. Thank you AB, I like to feel I hit the mark.
Moi: Of course. Part of the choice myth is that all johns are charming and handsome and are doing their best for her.
Emmak: Well Holloway Rd is a favourite Eastern European haunt and I often wonder who is locked up around there..there are some dodgy men. Mothers going into prostitution is very common I believe. A desperate woman, short of money is asked by a family friend if she'd like to make some...
Having My Cake: Cake, I'm sorry but I think your blog is really about your life rather than an unbridled shagfest of no consequences. And you can write. If you want a book deal, you need to call yourself Miss Cake:Just don't call her a Tart.
You should come to Hong Kong. We've got some of the best prostitutes in the world here.
Troika: I've spent quite a bit of time in Asia, though not Hong Kong and I have to say those Thai women have got their business plans sorted out. They are tough and clever ladies.
And they don't waste time writing books about it.
I found you via Dandelion....great stuff Mrs R! And I am still waiting for the publication of the autobiography of any of the prostitutes whose kids I have removed from their 'care' over the years. Sure it is only a matter of time before ClaireImogenMiranda stumbles upon one of these sassy stories - "It's got the lot...sex, drugs, the clap..."
Welcome JJ: What you have had to do sounds dreadful and utterly heartbreaking. Sadly I reckon that because of various boundaries in society being broken it will become ok for CharlotteEmmaAnnabel to propose exactly that.
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Why are all the book deals being snapped up by women? Is there not room for a man to sell his story with a mix of sexual adventure and fantasy?
Freddy: No there isn't. They tell me that since these books are primarily read for titillation (sorry, not intellectual value), it is women who provide most of it. A man having loads of sex is not interesting since it won't generate media and marketing interest. I don't see it myself but that's the prevalent thinking.
oh well, I guess I better cancel the order for the Veyron then
Very well said. I think prostitution is a complicated issue, but your 'hot or not' guide is dead-on.
Hello O, I would not dare to simplify it but that is exactly what these stupid books do - present it as an easy career option that is no more different that accepting an expensive dinner from your boyfriend.
I know the sort of books you mean, and you're exactly right. Cheers, O
I hate those g*damn charity bracelets!
All those people who thing prostitution is just great should just think for a moment about what it must be like to spend your working day/night with your head in various men's groins just to earn a few quid!
There should be no pretence about this sad way of earning a crust, dirty and sad losers are not glamorous.
You're right. There are all sorts of reasons that women write about sex and one main reason that it's currently trendy - it sells, with most of the money going to the publishers.
I would disagree that most of us write about our sex lives for the money. Believe me, the small amount we earn from our books is far outweighed by the risks we take in our real life from revealing the intimate details of our lives.
Most of the sex writers and sex bloggers I know do so because we feel a responsibility to tell it like it is. Not all sex is great sex. Sometimes we're disappointed. Other times it can be phenomenal. I think there's an assumption that if one is sexually active, they have great sex all the time.
Sex is still a mystery to most people and I've been encouraged by the amount of letters I've received from both men and women who have started on their own sexual journey after reading my story.
In my case I feel I almost have a responsibility to be the voice for a generation of women who think that sex stops after forty when it can be a new beginning.
I don't know how I feel about books that glamourise prostitution. At one level, I think it's just a chance to cash in on the success of Belle de Jour. At another level, there are a few women I know who genuinely enjoy the work and feel like they're giving a good service.
As for men entering the genre, there are a few erotic memoirs written by men coming out that I've heard about. It will be interesting to see how they do.
Suzanne, thank you for your comments. I think that it would be wrong to lump all those who write about sex together. I know your work and, as a woman over 40 I can see how you would resonate with many women, not all of whom are as confident as I might be. Besides you can write, as can a couple of the sex writers who read this blog, which always helps. So I agree that sex, especially for many women who've been stuck in marriages, is very new and it can be helpful.
My concern is that there is much sex writing out there that presents sex as an inconsequential act to young audiences. The Diary of Miss S is a cynical attempt by a publisher to cash in. And while I agree that some working girls are fine in all respects, the fact is the majority do not lead glamorous lives like Tiggy who went to Oxford and slept with men to fund it.
That is also the problem with some younger sex bloggers who seem to think sex is a key tool with which to advance the feminist cause. Sex is sex and is complex enough in itself. I suppose my concern is that the people, many of whom are under 18, reading sex columns in magazines and sex blogs that make it all sound like a big game, will do themselves emotional hurt. God knows I'm your age and it was bad enough in my twenties without someone saying, "yeah go and do it girl."
I actually think some of the male bloggers are more interesting than many of the women. In general the older the writer, the more interesting for me.
regards
Ms R
I couldn't agree with you more. I think it's fair to say that many of the younger sex bloggers and writers are conflicted, like most of us were back in our twenties. Unfortunately, most of their readers (mainly men) are seeking out the dirty bits and missing out on their discontent that lies just below the surface.
Have you read Eleven Minutes by Paul Coelho? What do you think about it?
akakarma: I haven't read Coelho. I prefer to read the ancients when it comes to philosophy.
this is the most smug, pseudo-intellectual, middle-class, tree hugging, trendy glasses wearing batch of comments from a majority of women who really have no idea.
Anon: Please do elaborate. Insults are one thing but feel free to make a point.
One of my dearest girlfriends has been trying to convince me that we should become "high class hookers"
Her argument is that since we spend most of our time chasing the same men, seducing them and persuading them to bed us both at the same time(not that theres much persuading need!)we might as well get paid for it.
What she fails to realise is that the men we bed, DO NOT NEED to pay for sex. The idea just so happens to be arond the same time I introduced her to Belle Du Jour on ITV.
I hear they're filming a 3rd series as we speak!
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