The Beauty Myth

Yawn, Yawn, Big Yawn. The next time a girl who made her name writing a sex blog, and now churns out execrable articles for the Guardian in breathless, undergraduate style - writes, please all of you, do not tell Ms R. Ms R is an extremely busy woman. Her list of exigencies is already full. Today for example she has a session at the gym, followed by a pedicure. She would go for a facial except she has 5000 words to write so she will do it at home. (Dermalogica's rice grain scrub followed by Guinot's Radiance Mask followed by a few drops of Aesop's Rose Oil. Except for the scrub you can do it sitting at the computer).

See, Ms R likes to look her best. Not like a model because she's not. She also knows that since Caveboy Stig laid eyes on hot Cavegirl Mib, people have been evaluated on their looks. And the last thing she needs while she is trying to figure when she will have time to get her eyebrows done (will give you her name if you're in London) by this fabulous Polish girl is to be sent some hotch potch nonsense that fatuously conflates the (Extra Big Yawn) exploitative lad's mags with this fundamental fact of life. So now you expect Ms R to do something about this do you? (God I can't wait until I finish this damn work: my nails look bloody awful)

Ms R is here to tell you that whether you are heaving out of your PVC dress in indignation or not, you have to put the coloured shirts in the shop window to get people's attention. When they come in the majority will actually want something that has a bit of colour but probably more serviceable. That is the rule of retail And it is the general rule of life, that actually applies to men as well as women. Ms R's ex-husband is tall, blonde and blue-eyed. Unlike Ms R is he is utterly conventionally good looking in a way that appeals to a large majority of people. He is also smart. But he knows that women will come up and talk to him because he is cute. They won't stay around if he's a dumb fuck. Ms R wouldn't have. Looks attract, sure. But funny and clever keeps you there.

Ms R knows that being attractive has helped her get her brains noticed. She once made a contact at a party (no she didn't have one track sex with him) and obviously her looks helped. He gave her the name of someone who gave her a very lucrative freelance job based on her brains and writing pedigree. She also knows that her ability to look good in a red D&G suit helped her sell $20 million dollar ad pitches back in the eighties. But the client would not have bought them if Ms R was talking bollocks. The partners at Andersen where Ms R led new business presentations many years ago would not have given her the time of day if she wasn't as smart as they thought she was. But they liked that she dressed well and smiled at them. What they liked even more was that she helped them win a record number of pitches. Does the fact that Ms R made sure she looked her best devalue this? Thought not.

We are all initially judged on our looks. That does not mean we have to agonise over looking like Elle McPherson or George Clooney. Do that and you are stupid. What it does mean that we need to make the best of what we've got; just as we need to make the best use of our brains. It is not magazines that are telling women they need to look good: women (and men..Men's Health is rather a good seller isn't it?) know that it's all part of the package. As any successful advertiser knows, you have to tap into the prevailing consciousness. Ms R's age means she grew up without all those magazines that worry people so much, but that hasn't stopped her wanting to have a toned body from the word go. It makes her happy.

Today when Ms R goes to the gym she will work out next to a young woman who is very overweight. It's a kind of motivational friendship. The young woman is sick of being overweight. Not because a magazine told her, but because she is fed up. She came up to Ms R last week and asked her a few questions. The young woman needs to lose seven stone. Ms R agreed with her that it was a good idea but told her to take it slowly. Ms R has given her some thoughts on improving her self-esteem in the meantime. She is a smart lady but she knows she is not doing her best for herself. She also knows she won't be Claudia Schiffer. She doesn't care. She just wants to be the best version of her. She wants to smile (which will make her more attractive) and right now she feels annoyed with herself. She knows she will be infinitely more confident and more employable if she is not obese. We discussed it. Does that make me an enemy of women? Thought not.

Before Ms R pulls on the black lycra top that shows off her toned arms (and why the fuck not?) she will leave you with this: This fight for equality (hate that phrase, sorry) is not about jettisoning your looks to get your brains noticed. After all, men don't do it. It's about using every weapon in your armoury to worm your way into the Citadel and plan the revolution.

But looks in themselves won't do it: an attractive woman without brains will eventually cease to be attractive, except to the odd investment banker and piece of Eurotrash.

(Ms R also recommends Palmers Shea Butter as an inexpensive all over body moisturiser).